Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
