I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the day after is always just damage control
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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