About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize