the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
