Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
