Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
