I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
