it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
