Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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