Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Alive.
So much puke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
