Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
only you would photoshop your dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
