3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
