ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize