OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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