Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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