Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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