I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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