Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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