umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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