We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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