now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
