dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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