I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
