I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize