Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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