So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
