Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
