i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
