She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
