SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
