Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
