is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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