Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
