I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
