i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
