i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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