I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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