this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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