Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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