Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
