You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
