You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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