In the future we'll all be gay
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
