I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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