What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize