the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
