can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
