Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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