i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
