Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
