Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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