dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
