Where did you get a picture of my penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
