you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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