Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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