You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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