Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
