dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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