ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
