This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
