Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
