true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
