Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize