dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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