Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
