we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
