you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think my vagina is haunted
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
