"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
