There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
