Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize