okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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