You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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