the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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