trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's official drugs can't kill me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
