If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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