Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
