While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
