can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
