I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just threw up on my dentist
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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