Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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