FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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