Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
