Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
