my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
