i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
