New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
