Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
