I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize