he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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