I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize