i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
