He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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