If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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