Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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