she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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