hotel room ftw
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
