Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
