Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Come on in and take your pants off
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