A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Semen is not good for contacts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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