Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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