he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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