nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
