isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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